the guy in the title is my 'son'.
just ended a conversation with him on msn and since he didnt wanna have another word-war (which wasnt even my intention), so shall just post it here.
just to let you and anyone interested to read know about a guy who i always disagree with and forever call an AP - attitude problem - student. I wont take back whatever I've said even though it might sound contradicting with what I'm writing here later and I'm not expecting you to understand fuly why....
throughout the time in JC, I've always thought that you are a good boy who like to act cute and is rather good at that. I, at the same time, had many expectations of you. Not the type of expectation-expectation just for the mundane sake of it. But a kind of belief that u do have the potential to reach that height, that goal in front of you, given it study, physical sport or even in personality and character forming. Well, you did do some of it like getting your distinctions for A.
after A, i did, too, expect you to be in OCS. you didnt and that wasnt a very good news when i heard about it. I thought you were sad somehow.
then I got to university, things have been "fast n furious". many new things start to catch up and i slowly let go of .those expectations (after the second chance for OCS tt you missed). thought you might just go through a slacking NS life and enjoy it to the worst of my disappointment. letting go and I focus on my life - pretty hectic and busy even now. anyway, yes. I'm happy hearing the piece of good news from you. so it's not all the zhiyong's slacking after all. well done :) but what i said before that, i did mean it. that you can do something even better. i know talking to me might be just like an unpleasant conversation to you cuz i seem to be just full of criticism to you. well, if that is the thought that you have got of me all this while then let it be.
just want you to believe too. that you can do better if your mind is in it. proud of you though :)

PS: the continuation of "my 2005 story" will be upfated later late cuz i'm really busy right now :p (last week free but new hall 3 no internet so well... sad)

the rest of january was spent with my family and friends and i finaly got to spend new year at home after 4 long years away in singapore. we celebrated my parents' 24th anniversary on eve. they, as usual, completely forgot about that. sigh. guess, i will bring them a surprise again this year for their big big 25th - its SILVER wedding anniversary!!!! thinking hard of how i'm gonna throw the celebration this year. i'm planning to cook the whole dinner for them by myself (maybe need help from my auntie), get their friends over and prepare them a great present (this is the headache one cuz i havent found anything match up to that great great thing that i have in mind yet but well, at least my bro agreed to sponsor the money :). i'm thinking of making a big photo collection of us (my parents, my bro and I) since 1981 and display them in our new house's living room.
have i mentioned my house is being rebuilt? and i'm gonna have my new pink room from top to bottom. and i mean that. i have requested my daddy to paint it pink not only the 4 walls but also the ceiling :p i'm really looking forward to going home in new year... counting it day by day...
back to the 2005 story. in march, i returned to sing to get my A level results. well well. felt great definitely to be one of the first 2 girls to come on stage and get our results slips from our principal-mrs Lim and felt even happier when the other girl was minh, my best girl pal. we got exactly the same results 6 distintrions and B4. great thanks to my teachers who had believed in me by allowing me to officially skip lessons for self-study before exam (i'm the only one though - erhm my head is getting bigger writing this) and mr chung for hinting to me about my results even before i knew it :p
thinking back about the time i spent in TJ. those were probably the bestest time that i had in singapore. the 2 years were really a great experience. being in council, i was so much involved in school events, activities and get to know so many people in college. choir was great too that i gotta perform with them on stage and travel with my batch to Hungary, Austria and Germany. my class was oh well, not bad too given that we had quite a number of outings even after farewell (all organized and initiated by me though). and to the teachers, i would really wanna thanks mr Ng and ms tan for believing in me. and most of all, mr tony tan. i miss u, u know. miss talking to you about my future plan, my dreams and aspirations. miss seeing your blur blur face esp when i caught u forgot to reply my sms due to your tight schedule. i'm sorry that i havent contacted u ever since i came back in july. cuz i didnt wanna disappointed you with my choice of staying back and going to NTU. and most of all, i dont wanna disappointed you with my results right now.... you are one of the very few persons that inspire me and motivate me and that i believe and trust in. i wish you are doing well with your career now. promise you i will contact you when i'm up tp it...
and my scholar friens: you all are probably the best thing that happened, even now. meeting up with ur for lunch, dinner or supper; having those small talking cock sessions with ur, spending nights playing cards and chitchating always made me feel great... thanks for ya friendship as always.
to be continued....

10 Jan 2005: picked up chii and mun at airport and we embarked on our amazing 2 weeks backpacking vietnam. travelled from north to south, from winter to summer and back to winter again within 2 weeks, we visited 7 cities and provinces across the country. it was a really great experience travelling on our own. my mom was really shocked knowing me travelling with 2 more girlfriends without any tour group, tour guide and not even a guy friend accompany to erm... protect us :p
we visited hanoi-hochiminh-dalat-nhatrang-hue-haiphong (my town)-halong.. all the famous tourist attraction places in vietnam. in order to do that we spent quite a few nights sleeping on bus and train (to save time) and maximize all the time we have to visit as many places in each province as we could. just for ya interest, an average bus ride we had was 5 hours and the longest train ride was 29 hours. yes. 29 loooong hours on the train which can only be spent talking, eating, playing cards, talking, eating, playing cards and teaching vietnamese. (dunno if ur rmb????)
hanoi was cold when we were there. my dad took the car to bring us around but most of the time we ended up walking cuz the old streets were too small and cramped with pedestrians that any attempt to drive around would be aimless. mun n chii got their first taste of viet food and i bet it was rather awesome and refreshing the way ppl sit on stolls eating at the side of the street where vehicles stil drove by.
29 hours after we left the capital, the train brought us to hochiminh city - the capital of the south (many ppl mistook it for the capital of vietnam. for goodness sake, pls learn your geography :p). there we stayed at my auntie's house. mun n chii got into their shopping spree with my cousin while i paid a visit to my uncle's resting place. wouldnt really wanna mention what have happened in 2004, one of the most saddened year for my family and until now, i can feel the pain from that cut. wonder if time can ever heal?
we signed up for a half-a-day tour to Cu Chi tunnel. the tunnel was rather cool. it was really small and dark and only the four of us (chii, mun, me and my cousin) and the little boy from australia could manage to get till the last exit. really stunned by my ancestor's wit and will power to build such tunnel to fight against the americans. sometimes i wonder if i was born into such war time, would i have such courage and mental strength to fight for my country, my nation?
after saying goodbye to my uncle and auntie, we board the bus to dalat. dalat was really beautiful with the hilly view, long stretch of trees and flowers. no wonder it is called the city of flowers. we stayed with minh's family for one night, went for a walk at night to the "walking district"-a special feature that only present here, had supper and did some food stuff shopping at dalat market and came back for a karaoke night with her family. it stunned me how enthusiastic her whole family got with singing and i have to admit that her parents and sis sang really well. the next day grandpa brought us around to view the city and its places of interest. minh's family just gave us this feel of a really "wholesome" family. the lifestyle they lead, the family structure and everything they do, its just so wholesome. and dalat-the city and the people, they are just so gentle and kind-hearted just like minh herself :)
next, we visited nhatrang - the tropical city famous for its long stretch of sunshine beaches. ha trang played a role as our host at nhatrang and she really knew how to feed us. it was not even a food hunting trip cuz her house was right next to this stretch of street that filled with street-side stall. every five steps, we would stop for either a bowl of noodle, a drink or some special dish that literally translated into english to be "cake". added on the the food spree was nice cafe restaurant with not only great coffee but also great settings and ambience. but the most memorable thing we did at nhatrang was of course, sea bathing. by "sea-bathing" i really mean go into the sea and stay inside on float and enjoy the up and down with the sea waves. but well, we were not that all lucky to experience such. as we were all ready in our swimsuit and after much bargain obtained our float, the first step into the water was dreadfull. the sea water was freaking cold despite the fact that the sun was right on top of us almost 24/7. and the sea waves were not at all that gentle and rythmic. instead they were tall and full of strength. so after struggling for about 45mins, we gave up and got ourselves out of the water and walked back to trang's house, freezing cold. so much for my "sea-bathing". sigh.
hue was our next destination. here we stayed with nguyen but in a hotel. it was complicated but well. we had a tour guide to bring us around. he was a nice guy but he spole French and i meant French literally. nguyen by mistake got us a french-speaking tourguide instead of an english one so in the end we had to take turn to translate between english and vietnamese. the ancient capital was great but honestly i prefered so much more then time we spent in the tea house listening to life music while seeping some great tea and coffee at night.
after hue, we took train back to hanoi and after a dreadfull ride, we managed to get to my hometown-haiphong. here we just took a rest, watched TV whole day (cable is great. i miss my tv set :(. my parents bought us to my city's beach and mun n chii gotta taste some really good seafood there.
our last destination was halong bay. we sat on boat to go visit the bay and 2 caves. they were much more beautifull in my memory when i visited the place almost 7 years back. maybe back then i havent been to many places and havent seen much....
our trip ended with mun n chii brought back luggages of goodies and food back to malaysia.
thank u my dearie dearies for the great trip. i miss sleeping with ya (3 of us on a double bed :)... not much hope that i can come along for the bali trip this june though.. sad la.. but my brother is home after 3 years so i guess ur understand hor. just rmb to buy me present from bali k. i wont mind a nice wrap around skirt though or something really bali bali :p
to be continued....

flash back...
january 1 2005 00:00 am: waiting for bus at orchard boulevard with yu chii. *thank you my dear friend for coming down all the way from JB to spend the new year with me*. the two of us had just spent the whole day going around the crowded town area to experience some new year spirit. it was such a day that we both lost track with time that we still felt as if it was 8pm when it was actually 10pm. so we rushed to find a place to have our dinner and there we went, the ever friendly Mc Donald's was the only place that still remained open on new year eve. after dinner, full and tired, we dragged our feet to the bus stop, waiting for the 174 bus to bring us back to my rented room at Spanish Village. and thanks to our happily-lost-track-of-time, we spent our new year moment at nowhere better than the SBS bus stop. as the hand on my watch struck 00:00, we both furiously typed the common happy new year message and scrolled down our phone book, trying to send msg to our friends. as usual, the network jammed so badly that it took me the whole bus trip to finish my long list of friends. couldnt remember what we did when we reached the house after that. probably we had the usual girls' talk with kristy, lita and minh then the 5 girls squeezed into the single japanese style room and spent the rest of our night in slumberland.
the last month of 2004 and the first few days of 2005 were spent with some of my bestest girlfriends at the memorable Spanish village. me, minh, lita and kristy had rented the place from this landlady named Lynn. $800 for four girls to squeeze into a single bedroom that can only fit 2 single mattresses, a wardrobe, a so-called round-about wooden tables and drawers that i supposed to be jap style too and can be conveniently used as place to rest our batok due to its height. i can still remember the house with the big hall where there were a large expensive table (bought from italy or some exotic place) that was covered with some cheap table cloths purchased from some neighbourhood mama shop, a piano that kristy often practised on, and lots of our boxes of ...well... stuffs - shall they be called. then there was a kitchen that always got clogged with water and lots of disgusting content but we managed to live with it and cooked many delicious meals from there (praising myself). then there were our neighbours. the lady who smoked but had really pleasant personality. anthony, the new zealander who let us use his broadband for free. even let us use his room for free when he left for holiday at his home country. he was really nice but well, we girls just couldnt help gosipping about his lifestyle once in awhile, esp ms kristy huh? then there were the taiwanese brothers who shared the wall with us. the helpfull and sociable younger brother who looked like our very own temasek idol Charles (me and lita just couldnt get enough of him :p) and the quiet brother who borrowed my umbrela and lost it. but well, he returned me an espirit one which i still use until now so he was forgiven :) lots of stories happened then. about the younger brother who always bought his girlfriend in and stayed for the night with the elder one in the room. but the more interesting one might be the unexpected crush that one of us had on the quiet elder brother *cheeky smile*
guess i will never forget the time we spent at spanish village although it was really short. but nice and memorable except for maybe the later part about our oh-well-witchy landlord that i wouldnt really wanna mention much here.
5 jan 2005: i flew home and spent my first chinese new year home after 4 years long.
to be continued....

   its now 4.11 am and i just logged out of BBO. have been starring at expert table for quite a considerable amount of time for the past 3 days...

   an expectedly long christmas has just over. the third xmas in singapore. now that i recall. 1st xmas, 5 years ago: happy, excited, overwhelmed with so many new things, decorations, gifts, party and new friends. 2nd xmas in singapore, 4 years later: a warm hearted dinner with my close friends, nice homemade dishes, some spritis brought over by the only guy representative Adrian which i didnt try even once (yet got minh drunk funnily :), laughter over the dining table, some card games and movie at nite. really a sweet and warming christmas. would be really perfect if not for that missing something...

   3rd xmas, a day ago: a long christmas. expectedly not happening yet a sudden surge of sadness was a lil overwhelming. so i went to tt place. walked through a sea of people. rowdy. some drunk. some just walked ard to admire the lighted street and catch some feel of the xmas eve atmostphere. some just played ard with their snow maker and annoyed the passer-by. somewhere a choir was carolling. singing Silent Night in chinese. I really dont wanna be bad but the sound wasnt so angelic like i thought it should be. or maybe Silent Night wasnt much a silent night in the first place.

   came back to the quiet NTU and a deserted hall 3 thinking i might have prefered some quiet moment alone than a rowdy atmosphere outside. "noone should be sleeping on the night of christmas eve".like a good girl i waited. made my wish under the only star that can be seen on an almost no-star night at 12 midnight. sent my merry xmas msg to my closed ones and didnt receive much reply :( (never knew most had gone to sleep or partying that they all ended up replying the nxt morning and woke me up more than 10 times!!!!!). got a reply msg from a drunk guy at 3 plus. upset a lil i guess. disappointed somehow...

   the nite ended at almost 6am when i finally went to bed.

   well, i guess i do have the great self-healing power or maybe i just cant hold any grudges, anger or upset against anyone for long. good or bad i'm not sure though. so i went out again to get my exchang gift. bought a nice card holder case at bugis. bugis street is a much nicer place as compared to orchard road. u can still feel the festive mood there yet its not too crowded or noisy. u can enjoy a walk and shop at the pushcart stall and can get some nice jap food there (my all time favourite).

   saw a nice gift and decided to buy it for an irritating someone. in just the right mood to pay a visit to Essential Brew. miss the nice pillow and cushion there (and the chio waitress) and the whole atmosphere of the place. weirdly enough that i was actually in the mood for some spirits esp that particular cranberry breezer (i'm such an anti-alcohol girl). and in such a mood to play my truth or truth game. haa..guess its just another one in my wish list that mr santa claus has for some reason cancelled out....

   just some interesting msn nick tt caught my attention:
- if u just cant get someone out of your head then maybe he is meant to be there.
- christmas isnt christmas till it happens in your heart
   and an sms greeting: *merry christmas to you and all your loved ones. stay happy always and may your prince charming come soon hee*

   each of them has a piece of me, my thought, my feelings. mr santa, when r u gonna wrap my prince charming into a gift box and send him with rudolph here with me?

   :) childish aint i? seem like the lil girl is getting herself into a mess again. confused by her own thinking-too-much problem. expecting things that she knew she shouldnt and even told herself not too. got herself into her fancy world yet again when she must not. well i guess i really have a disobedient heart.

   should i or shouldnt i be true to it, true to myself for just this once?

   i have that urge to run away again. mom, i wanna go home. i miss u too.